Happy Fucking Holidays
by Percy James Frost
Summary: It's New Year's Eve, and Tony, Clint, and Fury are no where to be found. Natasha, Steve, and Bruce, with a little help from Jarvis and Pepper, try to find them, but come across something very odd. That's what happens when you have Asgardian wine. Actually written by me. Rated T for language.


**Hey, so this story was actually written by me, not _megtries_. The original lyrics are from a Tumblr post, and said to be by _metallikato_. Hope you enjoy, and I don't own the characters. If i did I would be much, much older.**

* * *

It was three hours after midnight, and they couldn't find Tony, Clint, or Fury anywhere. Why Fury had even shown up to the New Year's Eve party nobody knew. All they knew was that they had last seen the three carrying what looked like shot glasses and Thor's Asgardian beer. That was two hours ago. After searching for twenty minutes, Steve was ready to panic, Bruce was wondering if they would need hazmat suits or body bags, Thor had left to be with Jane, being too afraid of what they might find, and Natasha, being reasonable, did the only thing one could do in such a situation. Call Pepper.

"Hello?"

"Hey Pepper, it's Natasha."

"...What did Tony do this time?"

"That's the problem. We sort of lost Tony, along with Clint and Fury."

"Let me get Jarvis online. Tony likes to block him so that he can't stop Tony from doing anything stupid during New Year's."

"Alright, call me back when he's online. We're going to go arm ourselves."

Natasha hung up the phone and started to walk away, with Steve and Bruce trailing behind her like scared children.

"...um, Natasha?" asked Steve, "Aren't all the weapons on lockdown to avoid having a drunk crisis?"

"Anything can be used as a weapon, Steve." Natasha replied, walking determinedly towards the kitchen.

* * *

This is how they found themselves ten minutes later. Bruce with a salad fork, Steve with a spatula, and Natasha with a frying pan and Pepper on the line. Once Jarvis was up and running which showed three beings together in one of Tony's many spare rooms. Said room's camera and audio had been shut down, so Jarvis was hard at work to get them rebooted. They had pulled Pepper up on video chat with the walls, which apparently were all interactive, so Pepper followed them as they walked around the tower, being able to see and hear everything perfectly.

"I would like to inform you that the room is the last one down the hall on your right."

"Thanks Jarvis." Natasha said, turning down the hallway while Pepper chewed her lip on the wall.

As the trio made their way down the hall, they began to hear noises coming from the room.

"It sound like they're playing… Christmas music?" Pepper questioned.

Steve stood next to the door, his hand on the handle, ready to push it open when Natasha gave the sign. They all braced themselves, but were surprised by what they found on the other side of the door.

* * *

Fury, Clint, and Tony were sitting together on a couch, each with a large glass of… something in their hand. Too drunk to notice the intrusion, they began to sing at the top of their lungs to the song that had begun to play, but with very… _creative_ lyrics.

Fury: DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY

Clint: YOU'RE SO FUCKIN SLOW

AND FAT, WHAT DO YOU WEIGH

All: HA HA HA

Tony: YOU CAN'T FUCKING SING

I'LL START A FUCKING FIGHT

All: GET OUT MY WAY YOU FUCKING HO

I'M DRIVING HERE TONIGHT

OH JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY

OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE

OVER BODIES EVERY DAY

Clint: (HEY)

All: JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL

BITCH WHAT DID I SAY

RUN THAT ASS CAUSE YOU CAN'T HIDE

FROM MY MOTHER FUCKING SLEIGH

* * *

"... Jarvis, please tell me the cameras and audio have been fixed in this room."

"I recorded the whole thing Ms. Romanoff."

"Thank you Jarvis, please send a copy to each of us, and make sure these three idiots don't need to have their stomachs pumped."

"It has been sent to each of you and I have also sent it to the tech team on the tri-carrier. I believe they will have much fun rigging it up for the next _full_ staff meeting."

"Alright Jarvis. Lock down the room to make sure they don't hurt themselves, and soundproof it so that we can actually get some sleep."

"Of course Ms. Romanoff. And I shall schedule the flight so that Ms. Potts can see the outcome of Asgardian beer with you all bright and early in the morning."

"... Have I ever mentioned how much I love you Jarvis?"

"Many times Ms. Potts. Now I believe you may all get some slept so that you are energized by morning."

"Good night Jarvis."

Needless to say, the next day was not good for the three singers.

* * *

 **So that was my first attempt at writing a fanfic. Hope it was alright. I just had to write it after i saw the post online. Please review so I know if I should continue writing!**


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